Hope

Written October 1, 2017:

        My friend said that in health crisis it’s hard to find that perfect balance between having high hopes and simply remaining positive. Again and again I’ve gone to the doctor, expecting a celebration, expecting a congratulations. And again and again it’s never enough. I’m supposed to eat without resistance, but resist enough so it doesn’t look easy. I’m supposed to be fully weight restored so I can run as soon as possible, but I shouldn’t gain too much weight every week.

        Through and through, after triumph and defeat, I have given up. I’m not sure what this means yet, but I don’t want to waste more time fighting for something that I’m never gonna have. This is my letter of resignation. Congratulations, anorexia, you fucked me over. Hope you are satisfied.