Diagnosis

Written July 19, 2017:

        It didn’t come out of nowhere, to be perfectly honest. I was shocked, but I didn’t go through that phase of denial people do when told that there is, in fact, something wrong with them. The feeling has always been with me, every time I stepped onto the scale, every time I refused a second scoop of ice cream or worried about my next meal. It was a deep feeling I continuously pushed down because no one wants to admit that they are “that person.” I didn’t think I was. I didn’t think it should define me. I was a good athlete. Good student. Pretty good friend. I had my shit together. Today I learned that, along with all that, I am also anorexic.

        That’s the first time I’ve said that word. It terrifies me. But I think that’s part of all this.